I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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