If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm sobbing to NWA
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
