I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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