he wants to bone in the snuggie
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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