I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
