I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
