So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
