i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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