I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
