i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
