Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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