I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
