I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Less talking, more tequila
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Randomize
