I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
