So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
