i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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