he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
