i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize