Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
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