I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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