Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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