Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
