yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
