Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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