i barfeds in our rink
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
