this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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