You work out of a Hotel?
I just cut my nipple shaving
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize