New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
