If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
