Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I love how my cats smell like pot.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize