Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
