Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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