I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
