i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
