Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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