The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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