Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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