it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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