You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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