We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
