I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
