She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
