It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
