I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
