My friends, they love my intelligence
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
