Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
