Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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