Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
