i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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