Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
