The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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