Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
