is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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