i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
