she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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