im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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