Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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