Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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