This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
My ATM looks so different sober.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
