I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
