I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
