Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
