watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
