Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
