I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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